Things have been busy, which I LOVE and am not complaining, but it does mean I've neglected my blog. However, I'm not sure anyone besides Erin is reading it so maybe it's not that much of a loss. I guess I need to work on increasing my readership. I'll add it to my list of things to do!
Here, in no particular order, are some updates on my life...
I decided last week to rejoin Weight Watchers. I've come to terms with the fact that I cannot do it on my own. I need the structure of the program, I need the accountability of the meetings, and I need the reminder that I am paying for this so I need to dedicate my time to it in order to make it worth my money. I know the program works. Between October of 2009 and December of 2010 I lost 64 lbs. Unfortunately, after quiting around March of last year I've regained 36 lbs. That's unacceptable, but it is also solid proof that I was and am not ready to go it alone. I need WW in order to be successful. And I NEED to be successful. I need to prove to myself that I can do this. I need to experience what it's like to be normal sized person. I need to stop letting my weight hold me back in all the ways it does - with guys, in trying new things, etc. I've just resolved myself to the fact that this is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm ready for it. As I've been saying all week, bring on the hard.
Boys....oh, boys. What funny little creatures. While I'm not dating anyone at the moment, and not really trying to (see above for reasons) I do seem to have some men in my life. Not that I mind, if there's one thing I like, it's attention. And there are two who have been giving me a lot. The first is the Michigan boy. He's been around for about three years. We have this constant cycle of being great, my stupid feelings getting in the way, deciding we're not going to see each other anymore, then somehow winding up back at it in a few weeks. That seems to be where we are again. Back in January I told him that I couldn't do it anymore. It's been going on too long and I needed to open myself up to new opportunities. He agreed. Everything stopped...then picked back up...then stopped....then picked back up...needless to say its been emotional. Yesterday I decided I'd rather be what we are than on this merry-go-round of starting and stopping. I told him I wanted to continue as we had been and see what happens. It's not like I have men beating down my door to date me and what we have is much better than being alone. He's my best friend and I've missed that more than anything else.
But, if he were the only one. The second boy...we'll call him the Agent for reasons I cannot disclose. We've been talking since last summer. There's a lot to the story that maybe at some point and time I'll go into but right not do not have the time or energy. He's a nice guy who's fallen on some really hard times and more than anything I just want to be a support system for him because I get the feeling he lacks that in many of his friendships. And apparently part of being that support is to receive phone calls from him in the wee hours of the morning. It was 3 am this morning. He calls and chats about whatever is on his mind and I listen without falling back asleep on him. He doesn't like it when the conversation is centered around anything other than himself, so I don't get much talk time. On the phone we are just friends...in fact he likes to call me his best friend. When I go over to his house he acts like we're more. Which I'm really not interested in. At all. His newest favorite thing is to tell me the reasons why he "loves" me. I know he means it in a friendly fashion, but something about the way he says it makes me uneasy.
Okay, this turned out to be a longer update than I planned...apparently I should have wrote separate weight issue and boy posts. Maybe in the coming days I will. For now, I should run.
Take care, cyber world!
No comments:
Post a Comment