Confederate Flag Belt Buckle...DRINK!

This weekend was the annual Springtime Festival in the Laingsburg (The LBG), where I grew up. Springtime Festival is many things to many people - to the town elders, its an opportunity to show the pride for the city they grew up in, for youth, its all about the carnival...which rides you'll go on, how much disgusting carnival food you can consume, and perhaps most important, who your carnival boyfriend or girlfriend will be.

For me, the Springtime Festival is an opportunity to Come Home. Don't get me wrong, I visit my family several times a year - I stay at my parents house, I reconnect with high school friends, and I spend the weekend in the LBG, but Mother's Day Weekend is the only time I truly Come Home. By this, I mean, I allow myself to go back to the person I was when I lived there and attended school, for better or worse. I go to the bar, knowing I'll see people I went to school with leaning toward one another and whispering about me. The old insecurities flood back. I always feel like people will be surprised to see me drinking alcohol, given what a goodie-two-shoes I was back in the day. I feel the need to mention my boyfriend in every other sentence, more of way of saying "yeah, there's someone who wants to be with me...are you shocked?" I revert to my teenage self in many ways.

This year, it turned into another opportunity - sisterly bonding. Now, as I've mentioned several times before, my sister and I are about as close as two siblings can be. Despite our four-and-a-half-year age difference, we are best friends and share everything. We are very different, yet VERY similar. One trait we definitely share is our cattiness. Which brings me to my story.

We were at a bar that's so appropriately named "The Burg" [lame]. To be honest, it was kind of boring. There were people slowly filtering in, but none that we particularly recognized and/or cared to talk to. I mentioned that we should have created LBG Bingo...and every time we saw something cliche that you'd only see in the spectacular fashion of our hometown, you'd mark if off. My sister, in her infinite wisdom and glory, took it a step further and introduced the idea of the LBG Drinking Game. Same premises as bingo, but when you saw something cliche, you simply drink. The rest of the night sounded something like this:

"Chick in cameo pants...DRINK"

"Dude wearing a Laingstucky shirt...DRINK"

"Guy in a cut off jean jacket with an American flag on the back...DRINK"

"Walmart Wolverine...DRINK"

We even introduced the game to the couple sitting behind us, a guy who was a freshman when I was a senior and his fiance, whom I didn't recognize but am sure is an LBG girl...probably was a freshman when he was a senior. I was holding out for seeing someone walk in sporting their varsity jacket from 1983. I am still crushed that it did not happen.

Aside from that, the night was pretty uneventful, unless you count the nasty, drunk guy from my sister's class who kept insisting that I show him my boobs (which I don't, because that kind of stuff happens to me all the time).

It was a good weekend. But I'm happy to be back in the Circle City and happy back to the life I've created here and a person that I am comfortable being. Going home is always good, but coming back is much better.

It's been eight years since I could say this...

I have a boyfriend.

Josh and I made it "official" on Friday night. It was pretty low-key. He said, "so when do I get to be your boyfriend?" And I replied, "Now, I suppose."

I mean, I know that's really quick. But why not? I'm not interested in dating anyone else; he's not interested in dating anyone else. We both disabled the accounts for the website where we met. So...why not just go for it? Don't get me wrong, I'm STILL overwhelmed by how fast things are moving and how open he is with his feelings for me, but its seems to be the general consensus of all of my friends to just go with the flow and not over analyze it. However, I did put some of my apprehensions out there, basically saying to him, you don't know me very well yet, I'm afraid that you've built me up in your head to be someone that I'm really not, and when you discover that, you're going to be sorely disappointed. He replied that he doesn't think that's true, that from the time we've spent together and the time we've spent talking that he really thinks I'm amazing and he has no preconceived notions and that he just has a feeling about me. He's said that a lot...he has a feeling about me. I am a huge believer in intuition and following your gut, so I can't really argue with that logic.

I keep forgetting to take a photo of us when we're together, but I will soon and I'll post it so people know I'm not making him up. Its true...there is a boy on this planet who actually likes me. Alert the media.

Happy Monday!

Weekend Recap - The Date.

I know it's Tuesday afternoon and a little late to being a recap of the weekend, but I guess better late than never. This might be sort of a long post and I apologize in advance, but I have a lot on my mind and need to get it out. I've found that this blog seems to be a good place to do that...mostly because I'm pretty sure barely anyone at all reads it.

Let me start off by recapping the weekend. It was a busy one, but also a great one, so I'm not complaining one bit.

On Friday night I went with a few of my favorite girls to see My Yellow Rickshaw, a cover band that we discovered while hanging out at the Claddagh on St. Patrick's Day. This band has a fiddler (I know, how cool) who used to be in an Irish band that we enjoyed and so it makes seeing this band even more fun, because for one thing he's awesome and for another he's hot. Unfortunately, as I've recently discovered, I'm too old to go out on Friday nights anymore and was ready to curl up and turn into a pumpkin at 11:30. Lame, I know.

On Saturday I traveled up to Ft. Wayne to meet my sister, brother-in-law, and a few of my sister's friends and their families for a day at the zoo. There were seven adults and seven children, the seven children belonged to two families, were all under the age of eight, and were all boys. It was an interesting day. But the zoo always promises good people watching and Saturday was no exception. I think my favorite sighting was that of a very overweight seven year old (estimate) girl trying to position herself into a red wagon to enjoy her large plate of fries and large drink that I am guessing was not water.

I had a great time with my sister. It's so nice to be able to do these types of things with her after the year of hell she had. For those of you who don't know, my older sister suffers from an autoimmune disease called Scleroderma. Her form is systemic and affects her intestines, so she has lots of gastrointestinal problems and has spent many agonizing days (sometimes weeks) in hospitals trying to figure out how to best treat it. The medication she's on now, along with a restricted diet seems to be doing wonders as she has not had a hospital stay in almost six months and in March had her IV port removed from her chest. Yesterday she had numerous appointments at UM and we were all relieved to hear that the disease has not spread to any of her other vital organs like her lungs and heart. I'm so thankful to have her, and have her in good health and finally feel like we are moving in the right direction in terms of her treatment.

I left the zoo around 4 o'clock (sadly missing the kangaroos) to come back to Indy and babysit for my good friends Jen and Tom. They had Gavin back in December and like most new parents, don't have the opportunity to go out just the two of them often, so I offered to watch G while they played trivia on Saturday night. I got there around 6 and from probably 6:30 - 8:30 he snoozed in his swing. When he seemed to be waking up, I fed him and played with him a little and by 9:15 or so he fell back asleep for the rest of the evening. It was pretty much the easiest babysitting gig I've ever had.

On Sunday I had a JCI Indy planning meeting and we were able to establish some direction for the remainder of the year, even though there were only four of us who showed up. I'm feel more confident about having this direction, but am still extremely disappointed with the lack of commitment I'm seeing from others on the board.

Sunday evening was my big date. Before I go into the date, I guess I should give a little background on the guy (whom I've yet to create a name...maybe I'll let Erin do that). I met him through OKCupid, a free dating site that I've been on and off for a few years, mostly off because of the lack of quality of guy I keep going out on dates with.They always seem to really only be looking for one thing and not really thinking long-term. But knowing two people who have found love on that site, I keep holding out hope that eventually a good one will come along...and that's maybe happened.

This guy messaged me last Monday, introduced himself and made intelligent conversation in the first message...more than I can say for many of the guys who have contacted me. We messaged back and forth the rest of the day and then he asked if he could call me. He seemed to meet all the criteria for being talk-worthy - complete sentences, proper grammar, a general interest in me - so I said yes.

We talked on the phone basically every night last week. He's 34, has never been married, has no kids and has a job at a lab on the NW side. His parents own a bar in Carmel and he's very close to his family, which is very important to me. He's been very direct in the fact that he's looking to meet the right person, settle down, get married, and live happily ever after. However, he has yet to mention where kids fit into that equation and I haven't brought it up either, since in the past my general stance has been, ew.

So we went out Sunday night and had a really good time. He's very funny, much cuter than his photos, and very attentive. He remembered many of the things I told him and made it very clear that he's interested in me. VERY. CLEAR.

Which brings me to my reservation. It's been a week. He's very into me. Telling me that he hopes he can eventually be my boyfriend and that he's thinks I'm amazing and I'm everything he's been looking for and that he believes in fate and so on and so forth. Don't get me wrong, I think he's a great guy, but I'm not sure I'm as invested as he at the moment and frankly his openness about how he feels about me is FREAKING ME THE EFF OUT. Now, maybe I'm just being silly because I'm not used to being treated so well by a guy, but I'm really getting nervous. I'd love to keep seeing him and see where it goes, but I think I need him to back off a little. Last night I had a minor freak out and told him that I'm prone to put up walls with guys and if he didn't think he could handle that than I'd totally understand if he wanted to walk away. You'd think I'd just ended a 10 marriage with him. He was completely worried that I was ending it and didn't understand why I would say something along those lines, not blaming him if he wanted to walk away.

In hindsight, I'm wondering if I was trying to sabotage it. I have this preconceived notion that I'll always be alone and that I'm not good enough for this reason or that reason. Maybe the way this guy is treating me is EXACTLY how I am supposed to be treated and I'm just too damaged to see it? I don't know. We're going to a baseball game tonight, so I'm hoping that hanging out with him again will remind me of how much I enjoy his company and how attracted I am to him.

Deep down, I want to be with someone. I want to have a life-long relationship. I want it more than anything. Now its potentially staring me in the face and I'm backing away from it? Am I really that messed up or is this guy coming on too strong?

5QF - 4/20

So again, I'm taking this idea from Erin, which I seem to be doing with a lot of things these days. But it's Friday, so I thought I'd do a fun little light-hearted post with some questions. Monday I'll have a recap of my fun-filled weekend, complete with a band, the zoo, babysitting, strategic planning and a date (yes, I said a D-A-T-E)!

But for now, enjoy five facts about me!

1. Groceries are high right now what is easiest way you have found to cut back?
I'm pretty sure that between Weight Watchering and maintaining my Celiac Disease, groceries is one thing I will never be able to cut back on. I tend to stay away from the foods that have been altered to be GF (bread, pasta) and only eat things that are naturally gluten free (fruits, meats, veggies), but still living that lifestyle is much more expensive than when I was eating whatever I want. However, its completely worth it to feel good.


2. What are the top 3 things on your "bucket list"?

I've never taken the time to write my bucket list down...well, maybe I have but have sense lost it, but its probably something I need to do again. I'd say that the three things I'd most like to do right now are: buy a condo, get a doggie, and reach my goal weight.


3. Would you rather give up AC or heat?

After spending three summers in a house that was not equipped with central air, I would definitely say I would rather give up heat. I spent too many sleepless nights sweating and practically laying on top of the fan to ever do that again.


4. What's your favorite cocktail??

My favorite cocktail of the moment is Bacardi Limon and Diet because it's the healthiest in terms of points. However, not too many bars have that liquor in stock, so I often settle for regular Bacardi and diet...not even close to as yummy.


5. What was your first job & how old were you?

My first job was working in my family's flower shop when  I was 15. I didn't get paid, per say, but in exchange for my work, my parents purchased the feed for my fair projects. My first real-life paying job was at Field's Pharmacy working the front counter and stocking shelves my first summer after college. Plus I got to spend every day with my high school bestie and yet-to-be adulthood bestie.

A fashionable weekend

So my weekend started out pretty awful. On Friday I had a terrible day at work. One of those days where I was so busy I didn't get to eat lunch and things just didn't seem to be going my way. In middle of all that, I got a call letting me know I didn't get the job I'd had two interviews for and was really hoping I'd land. To say I was bummed out would be an understatement.

I was supposed to go out that evening, but instead decided to stay home and feel sorry for myself. I made myself sick on pizza ans cried...a lot. Thankfully, a friend convinced me to come over to his house and hang out and with some joking around and a little wine, I ended up having a good Friday night and decided not to let a bad day ruin my entire weekend.

So Saturday I decided that the best idea was to partake in a little retail therapy. And I went out on a limb and bought these...

Aren't they fabulous? I have never went out on a limb and bought frivolous shoes that did not serve a purpose. I have no idea what outfit I'll wear these with, but that's okay, they're gorgeous and I will find an outfit to go with them.

I decided to keep the self-pampering going because it made me feel better about myself. I went and got a trim on my hair (I'm trying to grow it out so I asked them to take off as little as possible). Then I came home and colored my hair. I started coloring my hair myself at the beginning of 2012. I go to Sally's and buy the good hair dry, mix it with the toner and apply it myself...it costs $11, as opposed to the $75 I'd spend at a salon. I'm not adventurous enough to highlight it myself, but I do all over color and my natural highlights seem to provide enough contrast. It takes concentration and effort on my part, but it saves so much money that it is definitely worth it.

You'd think that'd be the end of my shopping spree, but it wasn't. I topped it off today with a new belt, a scarf and a new jean jacket that I paired with a white linen dress I bought a few weeks ago at Old Navy and then wore it to a Silpada open house I was attended this afternoon. I'm pretty happy with how the outfit turned out.

I'm not sure this is dressy enough to wear to work, but I definitely think I could wear it out and am hoping to wear it so some Scentsy parties. I feel like being well put together is key for being successful in direct sales. Plus, having my hair done and taking time to really do my make up, along with the outfit, make me feel REALLY good about myself and I think that might be a key to helping build my self-esteem and confidence in putting myself out there in terms of dating.

Lastly, I purchased a really cute necklace at the Silpada party and she let me have the one she had there so I was got to wear it home! I really love the necklace and I also really want to get a charm bracelet that I fell in love with, but of course, is $90...so, I might have to have a Silpada party.

Here you can see the necklace, as well as my hair...although it doesn't look as blonde in the photo as it does in the mirror. But it does, as a friend informed me last night, make my eyes pop.

So, I'm happy to say that I was able to take a weekend that could have just been me laying on the couch being sad and mopey and turn it into a weekend where I really feel about myself at the end of it...and only my bank account had to suffer. ;)

My new inspiration for fashion...and perhaps life!

This weekend has been a rough one for me. It's a holiday weekend so people are out of town spending time with their families...or in town with their families. Because of travel plans last month and travel plans for Mother's Day Weekend, I decided not to go to Michigan to celebrate Easter. And as a result, I've done a lot of moping and feeling sorry for myself for the past 48 hours. Partly because I'm alone...no, totally because I'm alone. And lonely. And while I feel like I'm taking steps to move past that...taking leaps of faith, trying to improve my health, looking at new career paths, these feelings still haunt me. And scare me. I wonder if I'll always be alone. I wonder why I haven't had a serious relationship in eight years. I wonder what is wrong with me that no one wants to be with me. I try so hard to stuff these emotions deep down inside of me and bottle the insecurities up, but it all honesty, that probably makes it worse. It's probably what makes me eat.

So tonight I've been trying to figure out ways to combat it. Think of things that will make me feel better about myself, not worse. I've been watching a lot of fashion youtube videos and searching for plus size fashion on Pinterest to spark some excitement for my latest decision to be intentionally fashionable (oh, that'd be a great blog name). Well, through my looking, I came across Jessica's blog. This girl is, in a word, fanawesomtastic! She's gorgeous, incredibly fashionable, and above all, totally confident in her size. It's amazing. I want to be her. I love her outfits! She understands her body and what looks good on it, that's something I cannot seem to grasp. But I'm going to try...really hard. I'm planning a little shopping outing next weekend to get some essentials to begin building my new fabulous wardrobe.

Anyway, this is a short post this evening. I'm glad the weekend is over, just because I've spent all of it alone. Plus I'm excited for my second interview on Tuesday! I feel so great about this job...it just feels like its the right thing. Please send good vibes that I rock this interview as hard as I did the first one!

Thanks for reading!

I can't stop smiling today!

Seriously! Sometimes life is just great! I found out today that I have a second interview for a job I REALLY want to get! It's exactly the type of things I want to be doing and I can see myself really learning a lot and growing there and I could become so passionate about their mission. Please keep your fingers crossed for me! Things job-wise have not been stellar the last few years and landing this job would be a HUGE turning point for my career. So send good vibes, pray, do whatever you do. Thank you in advance!

Scentsy seems to be going well too! I put a lot of pressure on myself to book parties in the beginning and was getting discouraged that I wasn't, but now I have three within seven days of each other! It's going to be a week-long Scentsy-thon and I cannot wait!

I've been doing better with eating healthy this week and when I weigh in on Saturday it should be reflected on the scale. I'm still not really pushing myself to work out the way I know I should be but I figure as long as I'm making progress in some form (eating better) that its okay to take things one step at a time. Although with all the energy I have today, it would be a great day to workout! I'm committed to doing it. I WILL go to the gym after work (by the way, I say this every day and then when I get home the motivation goes out the window).

Things are just good right now. I'm so appreciative of my life and the awesome things I have going for me. I have the best friends a girl could ask for, my family is awesome, and I'm happy. I was talking to my BFF last night and she even said, you sound great. Moving back to Indy was the best decision you've ever made. I couldn't agree more. I just can't believe it's been a year and a half already. Where does time go?

Well, I think that's about it. No news worth reporting to the world, no big announcements. I'm just really, really happy and I wanted everyone in the blogosphere to know!