I'm a mean girl

Recently I said something very [unintentionally] hurtful about someone I care very much about. This comment got back to that person, and the fall out that ensued was devastating. And not because this person was upset with me. And not because I knew there was nothing I could say to make it right and undo the hurt I had caused....because it forced a horrible realization: I'm a Mean Girl.

I've probably said something hurtful and negative about every person I care about at one point or another. I can recall of several recent instances where this has occurred. The thing is, I didn't even realize I was doing it. That's just how I make conversation...or how I tell a story...or worse yet, how I make others feel better about themselves.

I feel awful. The amount of disgust and shame I feel over my behavior is monumental. The thing is, there's no good way to fix it. If I go to each person and first tell them what I said and then apologize for it, I run the risk of ruining a lot of really meaningful relationships. All I can do is stop. Not do it anymore. Be conscious of the things I say. Treat others the way I want to be treated.

So this is a blanket apology to anyone I have unintentionally hurt with my words, whether you know it or not. I'm so sorry it happened and I am going to do my very best to ensure it never happens again. It is not the person I want to be and not the person I want to be viewed as.

I decided that in 2013 I wasn't going to make any resolutions, but rather focus on only doing things that make me happier. I've changed my mind. In 2013 I resolve to not talk negatively about anyone  when they are not able to defend themselves.

"I'm trying this new thing where I don't talk about people behind their back." ~Cady, Mean Girls