Now why is this a secret (or maybe its not)? It's a secret because I've always acted like I have a ton of confidence. I never let my low self-esteem hold me back from anything that I've wanted to do - pursing leadership positions, acting or being on sports teams, speaking in front of people. I've always followed the mantra of 'fake it til you make it'. But all the while, I have these nagging feelings that people judging me for one reason or another.
The good news? This faking-it-til-you-make-it thing is starting to work. I find my confidence growing each day and being proud of myself and my accomplishments. I no longer question every little thing I do or say or wonder if I've upset someone by stating my opinion. How did I get to this point?I'd love to tell you its because of my weight loss. But really, being overweight was just a symptom of low self-esteem, it wasn't the cause. The cause is what I'm still trying to find out. But, losing 100 pounds certainly doesn't hurt. So how does one overcome low self-esteem? Here's what's been working for me.
Fake it Til You Make it
I'm serious about this. I know its terribly cliche, but it can work. Pretending you like yourself more than you really do can actually lead to you liking yourself. Now, there is a fine line in this process. You have to exude confidence and self-assurance without being arrogant or cocky. If you are too vocal about how awesome you are, people will see through it and know you're putting on an act. When I say fake it til you make it, I mean, don't let the lack of confidence hold you back from doing things which your heart says 'YES', but the small voice in your head says, 'don't you even think about it, you loser'. Step out of your comfort zone and seize the things you want - even if you don't think you are worthy of having them. Trust me, you are.
Accentuate the Positive
Instead of focusing on the negative attributes of you life, focus on the positive things. Stop saying things like, 'I should...' or 'if only I could have...' Yes, there are a million things you should be doing, but don't discount the things you are, in fact, doing. Stop dwelling on what has gone wrong, and remember the things that have gone right. Do you have a hard time seeing positive things in your life? Ask those around you. Don't worry, you're not fishing for compliments, you're just seeking reassurance. Speaking of compliments - start accepting them! Today! When someone compliments you, don't counterpoint with something that could have been better or what you should have done. Simply smile and say thank you.
Talk to Someone
Get a therapist. For realz. Even if you don't think there is something behind why you feel so bad about yourself, trust me, there is. I used to commonly say, 'there's no reason for why I'm like this, I was hugged enough as a child'. Yes, all of that is true. But there is still 'stuff' that contributed to me frequently feeling like a big sack of suck. Here is something that I've learned in my 33 years on this planet. We. All. Have. Stuff. Every single one of us. No one is immune to stuff. What makes the difference, is how we handle our stuff. And seeking professional help is a fantastic way to do that.
Now, am I cured of having low self-esteem? Hell to the no. I do these things everyday - I fake it, I seek reassurance, I talk to my therapist [not everyday, but you know what I mean]. But the freedom I feel by not letting my lack of confidence shackle me, is AMAZING. And it has truly allowed me to genuinely feel better about myself. When I was part of the junior varsity cheerleading squad, we used to sing this song. I like it a lot. You'd sing the same verse five times, getting louder and louder each time, and by the end clapping your hands and yelling. It goes like this:
I've got confidence,
My team brings out the best in me.
No matter what the day might bring,
I know my team believes in me...because
And then it would start again. Sometimes, I still sing this song to myself, replacing 'My team' with 'I', just as a reminder that I do have things to be happy about and I need to believe in myself. We all need to believe in ourselves a little more.
