I've always had a hard time losing weight. I've had an even harder time keeping weight off. In other weight loss attempts, I'd work so hard for weeks on end - going to the gym every single day, restricting my calories, being a mega bia to EVERYONE because I was starving...and lose two pounds, only to go out with girlfriends for a cocktail or two and step on the scale the next morning and see that two pounds back on my body.
I guess I don't really know what made me think having a tiny tummy would make this process easier. I mean, eating less than 400 calories a day should give fat a reason to melt off your body, right? That's what I thought. However, I was wrong. In the first three weeks after surgery I lost 17 pounds. In the last three I've lost 4. Not exactly what I expected. In fact, my body was some variance of the same number - losing and gaining tenths of a pound - for 10 days. It was devastating me. Making me question everything I've done to get to the point of surgery and everything I've done thus far after. Even to the point where I was asking myself if it is impossible for me to lose weight at all.
So, once I gathered my wits and hopped off the crazy train, I did something: I put the scale away. Actually, my boyfriend hid it. Last Tuesday I told him I only want to see it on Friday mornings so I can weigh myself but then I don't want to see it again for a week. And so, Friday morning the scale was in the bathroom and I stepped on it....down one pound. Again, I was outraged....putting it out of my head was supposed to make it happen, right? Not caring about the number was key to making it move. Well, apparently not.
On Friday night, while on the stationary bike at the gym, I decided to make peace with my body. I'm going to do everything I can to make the right choices for it - eat healthy and work out. Those are the only two things I can control. I can't control the number on the scale. I can't control the size of my waist. All I can do is try my best to live a healthier life...every single day.
That being said, why did I even bother with the surgery? Why did I let them cut my guts out if I was just going to make the decision to do everything I can to be healthier and not obsess over the scale? I could have done those things without surgery, right? Yes, that's right. However, what this does limit is overeating....binging....two of my major faults. These scale woes have taught me how to deal with this anger without food. Simply because its not physically possible. Will it ever be possible for me to binge again? Certainly. But by the time it is, I will have different coping mechanisms in place.
I'm still happy with the decision I made and I am positive it will pay off in the long run...the very long run.
Noelle, I can totally relate to this. My weight loss stalled after 3 weeks and it lasted 3 weeks. It drove me nuts! I'm a little over four months out now and have lost 53lbs. It may be slower than others but I'm losing about 2lbs/week consistently now. Hang in there because your hard work WILL show up on the scale. I had those same regretful thoughts during that time but seriously, don't lose hope!
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