These past few weeks have been a test in patience...and while I think I'm passing, I'm not sure how much longer I can hold out. The boyfriend has been working...CONSTANTLY. I mean, from 8 am to 9, 10, sometimes 11 pm every single day. In fact, in the past three weeks, I've seen him for a total of one and a half hours. Don't get me wrong, I know the relationship is new and I'm not expecting to spend every waking minute with this guy, but seriously?
It's not his fault. He has an awful job. I get it. But the part of me that needs attention isn't so understanding. She is angry and resentful and totally ready to walk away. Last night I had a nice conversation with my friend Katie who has been dating a guy for about seven months who also works all the time and she had some insight that made me feel better. She said that in a good relationship, you should want to spend a lot of time together, but you shouldn't need to. A good relationship should withstand time apart and still be healthy. It makes sense. And while it's still new, I feel like this is a good relationship. So, I'm going to practice my patience and try not to complain (it makes him feel guilty) and be grateful that there is someone who wants to be with me.
In other news, I suck at life. Okay, that's a little dramatic, but, well, have you met me? I can't even tell you how much weight I've gained because well, frankly I'm scared to get on the scale. But its a lot. I worked so hard for so long to lose that 64 lbs and now I'm throwing it away. And what's worse, I don't even care. I don't make any effort to watch what I eat...yesterday it was TBCY (not yogurt, birthday cake ice cream), the day before that it was bagels (although gluten-free so that's at least something), earlier this week - two McDonald's McDoubles (not so gluten-free). It's ridiculous. And I can't bring myself to go to the gym.
I need a wake-up call. Shit, I need someone to slap the hell out of me and tell me to get my ass in gear. Do you think Jillian Michaels is available to come to Indy and do that for me for awhile? Free of charge, of course. I'm so angry with myself, but for some reason, instead of making that anger productive by going to the gym and doing something to make myself proud, I'm punishing myself by eating more. I feel like I can't stop.
Sorry for the Debbie Downer post, I just needed to get stuff off my chest. Hopefully putting it out there will be the therapeutic push I need to clear my conscience and have an amazing weekend with my most favorite people on Earth who are flying in from all parts of the country. That, I can get excited about!
Thanks for reading.
Hang in there dear! Glad you had someone to talk to about your relationship.
ReplyDeleteAs for the eating - you can totally get back on track! I mean, I freakin' gained back 17 pounds of what I had lost and managed to get down to my lowest point since I can't hardly remember when! You always have me to talk to!
*hugs*